If all goes according to plan this should be my last post from Presbyterian hospital. The doctors have signed the release papers and we should be out of here early tomorrow morning. Amen! We thought we were going home tonight but Cindy found a couple of superficial blood clots on her arm. My wife is simply amazing. Just about the time we build a little momentum there is yet another medical issue she has to deal with. I watch her face each issue with strength, dignity and intelligence and I realize I am one blessed man. So, this afternoon Cindy was given a shot of some sort of medication that should help to eliminate the clots. We were also taught how to give the shots as she will need to take one a day for the next few days. We actually could have gone home tonight but we thought it wiser to stay one more evening. Please be in prayer about Cindys platelet count. It is a bit low but seems to be rising. In order for her to receive the next chemotherapy treatment her platelet count needs to be 80 and preferably 100. This morning her count was 63. The good news is a couple of days ago it was 41. The count is rising. Also please pray that Cindy will continue to have the strength to do what the doctors prescribe so she can continue to improve. At times she gets weary so she needs both your prayers and encouragement. Your words on this blog bless and encourage her greatly. Kevin

I mentioned in my last post on Tuesday that this week was supposed to be another chemotherapy week. Cindy's white count, however was too low for the chemo to be administered this week, so the treatment has been moved to Monday. The doctors tell us this is not unusual at all for cancer patients. I think the delay is actually a real blessing. Cindy will have a few more days to recover and build strength. She has been off her nausea medication now for a couple of days and has probably eaten better than she has since we began this journey. Praise the Lord! She has also been a lot more active and she just looks better to me. This morning, however Cindy has again been experiencing some nausea. I think it is just going to take time for her bowels to recover and begin fully functioning again. I am astounded, really, at how well she is doing considering all the trauma her body has experienced and continues to experience. On top of the fact she had a complete hysterectomy, she also had a significant section of her colon removed, her gall bladder removed and now ongoing chemotherapy to eradicate the cancer. The recovery period for any one of those things is significant and yet she experienced them all at once. Cindy is one strong, determined, faith-filled person. She does, though at times grow weary. So in your prayers ask the Lord to give her an extra measure of perseverance and strength. The thought of more Chemo is very discouraging to Cindy. It is also very, very difficult for me to watch her go through so much. My consolation is that I know the chemo is working and this is the path to a better tomorrow. If she is able to have the chemo on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday will be especially difficult days. Please remember to fervently pray for her on those days.

We have really been blessed this week to have my sister Kay with us. I think she has been good for both Cindy and me. Aside from Cindy, Kay is my closest friend and someone I deeply trust and respect. This week I have been able to go to the office more and do some work. I know this whole experience will deeply affect how I preach and approach the practice of ministry. I have mentioned previously that Jesus' prayer in Matthew 6:9-15 has come to mean so much to me in recent days. This Fall I plan to preach a message series from that passage titled, "Learning to Pray Like Jesus." I am getting pumped just thinking about it!

God bless you!

Kevin

"So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we loose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us?" Romans 8:31ff The Message.

Eugene Peterson has blessed us immensely with his rendering of the New Testament in contemporary English. I especially like his paraphrase of Romans 8. A few weeks back, I got up early and read Romans 8 out of the Message, spent some good time in prayer and I remember having a sense of peace all day long. Many things out of the chapter spoke to me that day. I was reminded that our bodies are temporary. One day God will give us new, eternal, spiritual bodies. We will have a glorious body that will not be affected by cancer or any other disease. Our struggle with all that is fallen will be over. In addition, we will inhabit a "new heaven and earth" and will reign with our Lord forever. I was reminded that our life here is a mere preparation for the next. While this life is hard, seemingly unbearable at times, the next life will be as God intends. It was also encouraging as I thought about the extent to which God was willing to go to re-establish a relationship with us. The passage states, "God did not hesitate to put everything on the line for us...". The cross forever answers the question, "Does God really love us?" The phrase, however that spoke most powerfully to me that morning was, "With God on our side...how can we loose." Part of the human condition is our mortality. We like to think we will live forever but hidden somewhere in the edges of our minds is the nagging thought that one day we will die. As we age, or as we are faced with a life threatening disease that thought moves from the periphery to the center of our thinking. Quite honestly, I never had to think much about that possibility. However, all that changed on May 13th, the night of Cindy's surgery. When you hear the word "cancer" suddenly you are faced with some pretty stark possibilities. Your mind begins to ponder things you had never before even considered. And yet Paul is absolutely right. For the Christian, we can't loose. If God allows us to live, we live for Christ. If God calls us home, we get to live with Christ. For now, I will live for Christ but I know one day, I will pass from this life to the next and I will see Jesus in all his resurrected glory. For those of us in Christ we will hear him say, "Well done." That is what sustains me today.

This week is another chemo week. On Thursday in addition to the two drugs Cindy normally receives, she will also get a new drug that is designed to stop any potential spread of her cancer. We are so thankful to God for the good news she received last week from the CAT scan. Our prayer of course is that the cancer will continue to decrease in her body until it is gone! Please continue to pray that Cindy's nausea will be more manageable and she will be able to eat more. She still has not been able to consume enough calories to keep her weight up. She needs to be strong for the fight. I know, however she is doing her best to eat.

Thanks for your prayers and wonderful words of encouragement. When we read your remarks at times we laugh, smile and often cry. Your words are humbling and such a blessing. You are helping to sustain us in a difficult and dark time.

God bless you today,

Kevin

Good News of Great Joy!

I mentioned in previous posts that we would have some information regarding Cindy's CAT scan by Friday morning. We got some very good news, however, on Thursday afternoon. Our surgeon came in with a big grin on his face. Our surgeon has what I would call a surgeons persona. He is very serious and measured not prone to, shall we say, being overly optimistic. For him to have a huge smile spoke volumes and said to us we may have some reason to rejoice. In short he said the CAT scans showed significant progress in every area. While Cindy still has the disease and work to do, the chemo treatments are proving very effective. Praise the Lord! Thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement. We both realize we still have along way to go and yet this is the best news we have heard since we have begun this journey. Cindy cried tears of joy when the doctor explained to her how affective her treatment has been thus far. We do not know yet what the next step will be. Our Oncologist will help chart the course for us tomorrow. But for now we rejoice and give thanks and praise to our Great Physician, the Lord God Almighty!

Kevin

The Disciples Prayer

One of the passages of scripture that's come to mean much to me over the last few months is what we commonly refer to as the Lord's prayer. The one I committed to memory is found in Matthew 6:9-15. This prayer could perhaps be better described as the disciples prayer. Jesus said to his disciples, "This, then, is how you should pray." (Matthew 6:9) When Jesus says we "should" do something, I'm thinking we ought to pay attention. Lately I have found myself praying Jesus' words often. There have been some nights when I have had difficulty staying asleep and I found myself uttering this prayer. I have prayed that God's kingdom, that is His reign and rule would come. I have prayed that God's will would be done on earth, as it is in heaven. I know in heaven there will be no sickness and death-no cancer. And so it is altogether appropriate to pray as I do many times daily, that his will for health and life will be done in Cindy's life, today.

The phrase out of this prayer that I am trying my best these days to live is, "give us today our daily bread." After all this wonderful language about hallowing God's name and asking for his kingdom to come, the disciple is instructed to ask for something mundane like bread. The important thing is we are told to ask for just enough bread for today. I often find myself looking beyond today and as a result I am seized and overcome with fear, anxiety and dread. I want to know what is around the bend. I want to know about tomorrow. I want to be able to control all possible outcomes. And yet I am reminded that I can control very little. I am learning to trust the one who can control all things. I find that as I live life as God gives it, one day at a time, whatever difficulties I experience are more manageable. God has been faithful to give just enough strength for today. I find that I become weary, overwhelmed and overburdened if I look much beyond the present moment. So I ask God please give us just enough bread; just enough peace; just enough strength; just enough hope for today.

Tomorrow is a very significant day as Cindy is scheduled for another CAT scan. We are hoping to see some progress. Of course the best possible outcome would be a miracle and the cancer would be completely gone. But we would also be tickled if we could just see some progress. We should know something by Friday and I will keep you posted. Yesterday Cindy had a great day. She was able to go down to the hospital cafeteria and and enjoy a cheese quesadilla. Today has not been as good. No doubt she is stressed about the upcoming tests. Overall Cindy is still very positive and optimistic. I guess the better word to describe her would be faithful. She has a quiet confidence and a depth of relationship with the Lord that is a joy to behold. I know I ask you all to pray every time I post but if you would pray especially tomorrow and perhaps even fast that would be much appreciated.

Have a blessed day...

Kevin

Yesterday we had an interesting visit with our surgeon. While he was talking with us in the room he acknowledged his Christian convictions and told us "now" would be an especially key time to pray. In fact he said, "This would be a good time to get your congregation and Christian friends to beseech God." He said, "You know there is a lot to medicine and what we can do, but there is just something to prayer." Of course that is what we believe! It's not so much that we believe in the power of prayer but that we believe in the power of God and that power is accessed as we pray. (That will preach, Amen!) So please be praying that the chemotherapy is effective and we get positive results from the CAT scan the week following this round of chemotherapy.

Even as I am typing these words from Cindy's hospital room they are hooking her up to the pre-meds. She gets several medications before she actually receives the chemotherapy. No word yet on when we go home. Perhaps we will make it home following this round of chemo. For now we wait and we pray...

Kevin

One of the tools that has blessed our lives the past few weeks has been the prayer pager. I must thank my brother-in-law Scott McDowell for suggesting the idea to our worship minister John Magnuson. A couple of days after John and Scott talked, John made the necessary arrangements to make sure we had a pager. The pager has been very encouraging to us especially this morning. About 4:00 am Cindy awakened with waves of nausea. As she struggled to keep the little bit of food in her system down, I kept hearing the pager go off in the background. What a blessing to know that someone was up at that early hour bringing Cindy's name before the Father. Although I am certain the person praying had no idea as to Cindy's specific need at the moment, our Sovereign God did. Amen! We just never know the efficacy of our prayers. The person or persons who brought Cindy's name before the Father early this morning made a huge difference. Although we do not know and may never know who that godly prayer warrior was, I want you to know we are very, very thankful.

Cindy has had two very good days. She received two units of blood on Sunday from our great friends Reuben and his daughter LoriAnn Gutierrez. These special people just happen to have Cindy's blood type. Cindy said, "With LoriAnn's blood coursing through my veins I can't help but have more energy!" After the infusion of blood she has had renewed strength and vigor. Cindy has also been eating a little more and has even gained a couple of pounds.

Although today has not been quite as good as the previous two days I believe we are still seeing some progress. Tomorrow we begin Chemo again. Typically the day of Chemo is pretty good. She gets very nauseous about two-three days following treatment. I know I sound like a broken record but please pray that the chemo will be effective in fighting this horrible disease. About a week after this round of Chemo Cindy will have a series of tests to measure our progress.

It is so good to hear from many old and new friends alike. You are truly a blessing from God.

kevin

The Power of We

There is a billboard near I-25 not far from Presbyterian Hospital in Albuquerque that boldly displays the words, "The Power of We." I'm not sure what company or product they are promoting. Frankly, I'm not that interested. I do, however, think that phrase contains truth especially when applied to the body of Christ. The old preacher aphorism is true: we can do far more together than we can alone. The journey that Cindy and I are presently taking has made us appreciate far more the beauty and power inherent within God's church. This is a journey no one should take alone and thankfully many of you have come alongside us to help. To us, you are the hands and the feet of Jesus and your acts are empowering us to walk victoriously through the valley.

Good people with good hearts are doing what Jesus would do. You are blessing us in very practical ways like making sure our grass is cut and hedges are trimmed. In fact, our yard is looking so good people in the neighborhood must think new folks have moved in. You are bringing meals to the house. Cindy is an awesome cook but frankly I do not believe we have ever eaten so well!Some of you found out our freezer was on the blink and so you got together and made sure we had a new one in our garage. Others of you are helping with our children. Several ladies found out it was Trey's birthday and so you organized a birthday party for him. The ladies ministry made Cindy a wonderful prayer blanket and presented her with a Bible. You gave us a prayer pager and many people call on a daily basis. Many of you have sent cards and numerous other expressions of love. Our shepherds came to the hospital and anointed Cindy with oil and prayed over her. Friends from Atlanta came to help with our boys and the women threw Cindy a slumber party at the hospital. Truly the bride of Christ is beautiful to behold!

Let me say a word about Cindy's progress. On Friday the doctor came in and said, "Today I am giving you a three-hour pass. I want you to leave the hospital for awhile. What do you want to do?" Cindy said, "I want to go to Cracker Barrel!" So Cindy got ready and we met hwe mom and dad and our kids at Cracker Barrel. Although the trip made her very tired we believe this is great progress. On Thursday Cindy began another round of Chemo. She is now half-way through the second round. Other than a lot of nausea associated with the drugs she is tolerating it all pretty well. As I say so often please be in prayer as to the Chemo's effectiveness. No definitive word yet as to our homegoing yet I feel it it is close. Thanks for walking with us.

kevin

I have come to understand that there are many peeks and valleys in the cancer struggle. We have had a couple of really good days and it looked like we would finally make it home. I can tell you that the oncology floor in particular and a hospital in general wearies you. My oldest son Chase said, "Dad, I haven't really done anything and yet I feel tired." That's exactly how you feel after being at the hospital for a month. You just feel weary. But the thought of getting Cindy home is glorious. Please continue praying that she will be able to go home soon. The past couple of days have been a bit of a valley. She is still struggling with nausea. Although she had a good night and rested well, when she opened her eyes this morning she immediately began to feel nauseated. Cindy is doing her dead-level best to eat as much as she can. She is such a fighter. And yet the nausea keeps her from eating the food she needs to give her strength and energy to make the progress needed to go home. Tomorrow she begins the second round of Chemotherapy. She is on two different drugs that will take about 41/2 hours to drip into her system adn begin their work. Please continue praying that the Chemo will will be affective in fighting the cancer.

The good news of the day is that her white blood count is back to normal. When you take Chemotherapy your white blood count drops dramatically and you become vulnerable to all sorts of infections. Your immune system is compromised. If your white blood count does not come back up you will not be able to continue taking Chemotherapy. So we were happy to hear that her white blood count is once again normal and we can resume the treatment.

Even though there are many things we continue to struggle with, Cindy's attitude is generally very positive. This morning when she awakened the first thing she said was "Kevin tell me something good." I told her about her white blood count being back to normal and a couple of other things. Though the struggle is real and difficult, she has a very rugged faith. She holds on to Jesus and constantly says, "Kevin, read the Bible to me" or "Kevin, let's pray." She is a deep and godly woman.

Again thanks for your comments and prayers. This community sustains us more than you can know. A couple of you have asked the number for the prayer pager. The number is 505-969-7777. Hopefully the battery has been replaced and it is in good working order again. Please also remember to pray for my three precious boys.

Your brother,

kevin

Today marks one month and one day since we entered the hospital for the second time. Following Cindy's surgery we spent two weeks in the hospital. We went home for a few days but were not able to manage her pain adequately, so back we came. In the last post I asked you to pray that God would hasten the day for us to go home in order that we might regain a modicum of normalcy. God must be listening to our prayers! Amen!! The docs are talking seriously about letting Cindy go home very soon. She has had a good day and a good night. The new cocktail of nausea drugs seem to be helping. I am praying hard that Cindy's tummy will once again begin to function normally and she will put on weight and add strength. At present she weighs between 100-105 and is very weak. Eating and walking will help her get the strength she needs. However, as you know, when you are fighting just to keep food down you do not want to eat and thus you continually get weaker.

I would love for her to be home for the 4th. So far we have missed our anniversary, her birthday, my birthday, Trey's birthday (our 4-year-old) while in the hospital. It would be great to experience the 4th with her at home. When she feels a little better and we are at home I am going to throw her a party to celebrate all of the things we have missed. I can tell you the oncology floor is not a great place to have a party.

While the oncology floor is not the most encouraging place, God works through Cindy even while largely confined to a bed. Not long ago one of the hospital chaplains came by to minister to her. She walked in and saw the flowers, the cards (we feel like celebraties as literally we get handfulls of cards daily from wonderful people all over the country); then she noticed her blanket. The precious women from Montgomery put together a prayer blanket. While I know nothing about quilting, basically they put their most encouraging verses on blocks and they sowed them together to make a beautiful quilt. As they pieced the quilt together they would offer a prayer for Cindy's healing and then tie a knot. All the knots remind us of their prayers. On the other side of the blanket somehow they were able to attach their pictures. As Cindy sleeps at night she is literally covered in the most encouraging scriptures you have ever read. The chaplain saw the blanket and was amazed as Cindy began to point to various pictures and describe these godly women. She talked about their faith and love. About that time the prayer pager went off. The Chaplain said, "What is that?" "Oh, that's my prayer pager." Cindy then told her as people pray they call the pager leave the number and as it goes off we know people are specifically lifting her name before the Father. The pager buzzes at times every 10-15 minutes. (The pager presently has a low battery. I will replace the battery today, I promise!) The area codes tell us where our prayer warriors live. And so we know people are praying in Georgia, Tennessee, Illinois, Alabama, California, Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico and from area codes we cannot even recognize. It's fun looking up the area codes in the phone book to see where people live. You talk about encouraging! Your prayers will see us through all of this. After the chaplain listened to Cindy she said, "What kind of community of faith are you part of anyway?" Cindy proudly said, "We are part of the Montgomery Church of Christ." Though she came to encourage Cindy, I think the chaplain ended up being more encouaged. I think the chaplain left Cindy's room with a greater appreciation for our community of faith.

Thanks for your prayers regarding yesterdays sermon. It felt great to once again to proclaim the Gospel that is found even in Job.

Blessings to you all.

kevin

Our family appreciates very much your wonderful words of encouragement in this very difficult time. To know that you are praying so fervently for Cindy's health and healing helps us more than you will ever know. We can't tell you how great it is to hear the prayer pager go off and then see the area code is California or Georgia or Dallas or Phoenix or right here in Albuquerque. For those of you who do not know about the prayer pager I will talk about it in a future blog. We know people litereally all over the country are lifting Cindy's name before the Father.

Let me say a word as to where we are as of today, July 1. Cindy is still having a difficult time with the nausea. She is eating some but not as much as she needs to in order to get stronger and perhaps come home. The cause of the nausea according to her Oncologist is related to the chemo and the lingering affects of the surgery. It is not uncommon for folks who have had extensive surgery on their "gut" to have pain and problems. Today we are trying new combinations of drugs to help her tolerate food. Yesterday they did a series of X-rays to determine if there was a blockage in her colon. Of course this always makes us very nervous. We wonder will they find additional cancer or some new growth? The good news we heard yesterday was that there is no blockage. Amen!! The Oncologist said she has had a very agressive course of chemo and so we should expect this. We need to pray that her white blood count will continue to climb so that she will be ready for the next round of Chemo. After chemotherapy the white blood count drops and then you have to take drugs to build the cells for the next treatment. The shots they give for this make your blood marrow work hard to produce the white cells which also is very painful. Please pray that Cindy will have the strength to tolerate all that I am describing. Cindy is a real trooper and can tolerate pain better than anyone I know and yet she needs our prayers to be strong through this.

I also ask your prayers for Cindy's dad and mom, Bob and Barbara Terrell. Barbara has been here the entire time and is serving Cindy in an extraordianary way. She spends alot of the nights with Cindy. Last night was especilly difficult as Cindy got very little sleep. Though Bob and Barbara are strong and spiritually deep people watching a daughter go through this is difficult to say the least. So, please pray that they will feel a measure of peace and strength a we walk with Cindy through this.

I am looking forward to the day Cindy can be at home and have a sense of normalcy. I know it is a bit early to predict when this will I happen but please pray the Lord will hasten the day. I know she can't wait to be at church and be able to personally thank as many of you as she can for your prayers, encouragement and help. It is amazing to witness Cindy minister to people even from a hospital bed. At a later date I will share some stories of her amazing faith and ministry at the hospital. Please pray for me as I will preach for the first time since we have begun this journey. Message title tomorrow: The Gospel According to Job.

Blessings to you all!

kevin